I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
