After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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