idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
