Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize