i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
