is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
