Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
