She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
