After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
