my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
