So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
