I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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