i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
