Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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