Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
