Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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