Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You are the jesus of drinking
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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