If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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