3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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