she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
