did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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