she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
