She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
