I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
