Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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