Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
