I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
