Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
