so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
