Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
