and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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