You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
