He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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