The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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