you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
vagina is talking i cant
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
