I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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