I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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