He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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