my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
