after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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