oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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