make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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