If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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