textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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