Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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