You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
