I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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