I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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