Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
