FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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