Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
