so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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