just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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