Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
