May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
