Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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