so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
