He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
