I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
