I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
