I want to stick my p in your. b.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
