I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
