whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
