were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
