I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
