you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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