so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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