dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize