i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
