She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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