k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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