ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
