I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
