My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
