question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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