First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
