it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
