i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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