So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
