There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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