i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
