maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
