in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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