my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
