haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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