my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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