The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
