I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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