i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
