Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
