If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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